Revision of Shortwork Process Essay(one paragraph)

Original

George, Hazel’s husband, is described as being more intelligent than his wife, but he has been given a handicap device to make him stop thinking. George is a smart person, but he cannot think freely because the handicap device destroys his thoughts. George has more common sense than his wife because he does remember his son being taken by the government. He says, “That must be Harrison” while seeing the television (Harrison Bergeron 136). He also has doubts about the government’s rule, but he seems to agree with it at times. He thinks about how a handicap shouldn't be mandatory for the dancers, but the device scrambles his thought. Also, he thinks about his son who didn't fit into the structure set by the government and was taken away, but another loud sound in the form of a 21-gun salute disrupts his thoughts. George is intelligent and has the potential to care about his family member better than Hazel, but he can’t do that because his mind is distracted by the handicapping device. The normal family dynamics is severely broken to benefit the regime. George is rendered unable to fight in any way for his son.

Revised

George represents the rule governing citizens in the story. He is a smart person, but he cannot think freely because the handicap device destroys his thoughts, and things would be different if George didn't have an earpiece attached to him. Anyway, George has more common sense than his wife because he does remember his son being taken by the government. He says, “That must be Harrison,” while seeing the television (Bergeron 136). He also has doubts about the government’s rule, but he seems to agree with it at times. He thinks about how a handicap shouldn't be mandatory for the dancers, but the device scrambles his thought. The reason I think that he is acting like that is because there is time between the activation of handicapping device. During those time he thinks about his son who didn't fit into the structure set by the government and was taken away, but another loud sound in the form of a 21-gun salute disrupts his thoughts. George is intelligent and has the potential to care about his family members better than Hazel, but he can’t do that because his mind is distracted by the handicapping device. The normal family dynamics is severely broken to benefit the regime. George is rendered unable to fight in any way for his son.